You Should've Come Over

Revisit

2006-08-22T09:10:00.000-04:00

So comes the time to write some stuff again in this journal of sorts. The intent is really, like, three fold. Make some more contact with folks that I can't reach any other way, the documenting of my ever changing moods, and the possibility of this simple blog mutating into something bigger, faster, stronger, better.

ROWR!

I get all antsy and stuff.

2006-01-26T16:43:00.000-05:00

Seeing on largeheartedboy.com wilco has announced some new dates. 2-3 I could easily make. This will be on my mind for a while. I think I am nuts, also. I am all anxious and stuff. I don't wanna miss a show if I can help it. Even though going to Wilco will only bring me profound emotional pain.

This keyboard sucks.

The Gold Box

2006-01-25T17:41:00.000-05:00

Why?

Everyday I check my Amazon Gold Box, I have a Prada pocketbook(ladies) and a Big Johnson level and/or tape measure. Super lame.

Just livin' the dream

2006-01-25T13:57:00.000-05:00

2nd shift at the airplane motor factory

Cat Power - Empty Shell

So It's been like six weeks...

2006-01-23T18:04:00.000-05:00

I have been giving alot of thought to what I need to do to get upright again. I really need to start making good memories. I have so many reminders of my recent past. The handwriting on a piece of paper, trinkets sent to me just for fun, pictures and thoughts of the old dog. I can hardly even listen to Wilco. Correction, I never listen anymore---how fucked up is that???? The themes of so many of the songs just cause me to weep. Anyway, all this shit is dominating me and I can't allow that any longer. I really need some closeness to a person or two, a fucking hobby or something.

I feel like I come across as sooo needy when I meet someone who interests me. I don't really mean women either specifically. So I spend alot of time with imaginary friends on the internet...

Got served

2005-12-06T11:54:00.000-05:00

A sheriff stopped by Sunday to say hello and deliver my wife's petition to the court for divorce.

I am thinking about going to Iraq to do maintenance with no intent of comimg back. Maybe an adventure, eh? It would suck to get captured and tortured, though.

Insurance probably wouldn't pay out because...well...duh.

I think I have been in a sustained state of sadness like this before, but I never been this lonely. I need someone to say that they love me. God may have a purpose for me or maybe he'll call me home. I guess maybe I am thinking the comaraderie of other contractors may fill the empty hole inside me. Or at least help somehow. I think maybe I can move somewhere else but then I would be in a spot where no one would even know my name. Might be worse. I'd rather tempt fate.

2005-12-01T15:38:00.000-05:00

Saw The Codetalkers last night. Rocked my socks. So did the Jagermeister.

Like this...

2005-08-22T19:41:00.000-04:00

http://eclhj555.blogspot.com/

ass.

What a bunch....

2005-08-22T19:38:00.000-04:00

of useless bullshit. I was just cruising thru some blogs and there's all this crap. Like bad car loan info. Like spam in blog comments. Sad

You don't know what the sound is darlin'

2005-08-22T16:14:00.000-04:00

It is in fact the rain. This is complete bullshit. It rains, like, everyday here...

Ugh.

K to the M to the A-R-T

2005-08-21T10:42:00.000-04:00

Got some goodies this morning. Apparently, I am rewarding my mouth today for many jobs well done this weekend.

Interesting

2005-03-09T01:09:00.000-05:00

http://www.dooce.com/

http://www.dooce.com/archives.html

The mastheads are awesome. Pity me and my poor bloggy.
Oh wait, that's right. I'm not really a writer.

2005-03-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

Susan and Josh

2005-03-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

Jess

2005-03-08T18:49:00.000-05:00

Liz and William

More pics- 'cause they're fun

2005-03-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

Where have all the rude boys gone?

2005-03-08T03:19:00.000-05:00

Another day in paradise, working 3rd shift remains the stone chained to my ankle. My wife will be here for one whole week beginning this Saturday. I have been granted a pardon from 3rd shift for that week. I will be first shift for a week. It will be strange because for one, I have no real furniture. I have lived here in GA as if I was leaving in a matter of hours. Totes, suitcases, CDs litter my apartment. Believe me, I have considered just getting out of Dodge. Leaving notes or whatever for the special ones here and hitting the road back to my previous life in Indianapolis. I seem to be pretty good at running, changing, dodging. I am already planning loosely my next career, job, geographic location, etc. Possibilities: DJ, paramedic or sales.

For the immediate future, I will be having a 3 day weekend since I am changing shifts. I will be seeing the Drive By Truckers next Wednesday in Auburn. I will be going to Greg's folks St. Patrick's Day party next Thursday. There will be a party at the apartment common next Friday as will there will be one this Friday, also. Drunk chicken is on the menu.

K. from work asked me 5 times if I like her new ear piercings. Then offhandedly mentioned that she is fighting with her boyfriend "all the time". Huh? Okay...

2005-03-05T07:14:00.000-05:00

My buddy Greg at Liz's party.

Test sites keep me up at night

2005-03-04T01:08:00.000-05:00

So, today I thought how I'd kinda like to go away, unattached, to a new, unfamiliar place. Like, oh, maybe Ogden, Utah for example. Go away and work. Work hard, for a cause I believe in.

Escape?
Maybe.

A new start?
Definately.

This is where I am.

Went to the coffee shop for open mic night tonight before work. It was pretty nice. My real motivation for going was She. She invited the group to see her play. I went, no one else did. She had her Young Republican friend there, also but he's not a resident. Turns out, she was just "scouting it out" to see what it was like before deciding to go and play. I was looking forward to hearing her play. I can hear her practicing sometimes upstairs.

Yeah, I knew you'd be surprised...

2005-03-02T03:35:00.000-05:00

So I'll get some pics up soon. It'll be nice. If this blog ever gets discovered by someone who actually knows me(shudder), at least they can see what all the fuss is about: that I don't actually make this stuff up. My neighbors actually believed that my wife was a fictional character.

Liz: ...but he calls someone every night...who else could it be?
She: I still think he's making it up.
Me: Guys...seriously...that would be psycho to pretend to have a wife, especially with all of you living next door. (thinking: single females)
Susan: Well, since you put it that way Charles. Okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. We still think you're psycho, though.

The chemicals between us

2005-03-01T03:36:00.000-05:00

Pheromones

Baloney
or
Insaneo desire trigger

Discuss.

Boy, the candy, It was a Hootenanny

2005-03-01T01:20:00.000-05:00

The party was a wicked success. I crashed and burned at 11:00 PM Saturday night. Three hours of sleep that day and four hours of sleep Friday plus, umm...7 or 8 beers Saturday night effectively pulled the carpet from under my feet. Aside from that, the crowd was awesome(about 25 at some points) and everyone was very nice to the girl I invited from work. Liz LOVED the DVD player and She made the most throbbin' cake for Liz. I have some nice pics on my camera. I should learn how to post them.

tha'd be a hoot, eh?

Rovin' I'll go for a pair of brown eyes.

2005-02-25T01:55:00.000-05:00

Long time...

So Saturday is Liz's birthday. Pulled pork and fixins'(whatever that means), some new people, some old people, and many beers. It will be great methinks. We have about 23 commited so far, with the potential being around 30. It will be a day for marathon consumption and not sprinting. I have to make 10 or 12 hours at least so I can sort of keep my nightshift schedule. We got Liz a DVD player as a gift. It will be from all the residents who are official members of our social group. That makes 8 total. She will be very pleased I think. I also made the suggestion of keeping a guestbook for Friday nights. It seems there is a new face every week who one of the core group invited. I think it would be neat to be able to look back after a time and see who showed up when and who kept coming back.

More later

What would we be without wishful thinking?

2005-02-14T01:18:00.000-05:00

Hooray! A Ghost Is Born won two Grammys! I am so happy they got statue type love. I'm pretty sure Tweedy and Company couldn't give 2 shits one way or the other however.

I am trying to break your heart.

2005-02-09T03:08:00.000-05:00

Ummm. Clam Chowder. So it comes down to this...do I stay married and rebuild without the possibility of having my own child or split and seek new partner with family intentions? 7 years is a big investment to leave behind. I have sent down a rain of doubt, insecurity, and pain on my wife these last few weeks. Plus, what a pain in the ass dating again, or worse never hearing another woman say she loves me. I just really wanna knock up a few women and let the chips fall where they may. Did I say a few women? Why not just one? PAGING DR. FREUD.

I have to explain: I am the last of my tribe. I have no heirs, no brothers either. Get the picture? I have a freaky kinda drive here. If I could pull a Bewitched here I'd have 3 or 4 boys en route.

Gots to get to be working and stuff.

Pre-work entry

2005-02-02T21:12:00.000-05:00

So my friend Susan is getting some as I type. She just bummed a smoke, in her robe, with dude inside the apt. A little awkward, but hey, whatever. Susan started talking about what's up with the wife this weekend...since she's going home to N'awlins for Mardi Gras. Then talk turned to others in LSS. Namely, Liz. I always wonder why no one dates here. Everyone is single except me. Susan thinks the reason is there's no men around for Liz. Fort Benning? Hello? I can't tell really.

Boy/Girl differences, I guess.

Telling Jokes to the OPEC Leaders

2005-02-02T03:12:00.000-05:00

At times, I get these phony feelings that I'm clairvoyant. I think that tragedy is at hand. It never seems to happen, at least not that I have noticed. These thoughts take me to my mortality. Funeral: who would come?...who would cry? Especially all my new friends here in GA. I'm inclined to have a Georgia funeral. This leads me to the fact that I have discounted my life in other states, the spots I have hung out, loves I have gained and lost, all the friends and the winters that would remind those friends of my absence. Are the feelings I have for my Georgia friends false? How did they become so precious to me so quickly? Liz, Caroline, Greg, Jessica, Susan, James? sure, James.

Call it loneliness I guess, but this is where God wants me to be.

Light At The End?

2005-01-21T03:13:00.000-05:00

So this news of first shift is done wonders for my mood. I am looking forward to the party tonight. I knew the shift change was coming in the near future, so I said to my hacking peers, "When I change shifts, let's all quit smoking." Everyone agreed this was a good idea. So that will be ending for me. Replace smoking with excercise. I am pretty close with these people and we will hopefully make for a good source of support to each other. Also, my wife called last night and wants to come down and visit. I was completely hesitant and non-committal. She detected this and was upset. I changed the subject and we said goodnight. I used to always add "I love you" to the end of conversations. I avoid it nowadays. I am a different person it seems.

Wish I could type a bit faster. Greg wants to do the party but then wants to go out somewhere. Greg has become a kind of security blanket or a buffer between me and others in the group I don't share alot of feelings with. Nonetheless, I think words getting around my social group about me and my marital crap.

Wow. Flashlights.

2005-01-13T05:44:00.000-05:00

Credit to Joe @ http://www.joelogon.com/blog/ for exposing this umm...particular demographic. Although small in number, 8000 is pretty good for a flashlight community!?!

http://www.candlepowerforums.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php

Umkay. Flashlights.

She creeps in

2005-01-13T03:26:00.000-05:00

So my buddy Greg hinted at a trip to Athens. I think a some time spent turned up to 11 would be pretty cool. I won't get my hopes up for having a perfect time. Who knows, maybe it could be perfect. Greg is excellent company and quite a bit of fun. I'm not sure I have seen him turned up to 11, but I think Athens would be a good place to do it. For a guy I have known for 5 months, I feel we are pretty close.

For the record: me=straight

I just wanna have some fun. My life in C-town has taken on a life of its own. Going back to the way things were is not possible. I have some real issues to reckon with. 600 miles away...

On the surface

2005-01-13T01:02:00.000-05:00

So seeing the psychologist today was really good. I think we hit it off ducky. His observations were pretty much what I have concluded. I had a nice chat with Jessica tonight before work about music, people, emotion. I sometimes feel some of the things I say seem so very ummm....final, like my philosophys are the last word. Its really just my experience. After all, I have 13 years on her. I think I have led a life of working to get people to like me. My experience in C-town shows I really don't have to work at it. I like to cement relationships, friendship to last a long time. I'm a long termer. No superficial shit for me if I can avoid it. Anyway, next appointment with DEK(doctor even keel) is in 10 days.

The She has not been on my mind that much today. Not sure why. I'm still don't know whats up. It's feeling less obssessive today, which rocks.

Hallelujah

2005-01-12T03:13:00.000-05:00

So, even though I need more positive songs in my life, I most like to sing Jeff Buckley. Outside, on the way to the cafe, I can just beller that stuff. Every verse about I and you or me and her sounds like my best work. Must be that icky heart stuff. I think I'll finish my chow and go outside and sing some more. Huzzah!

Another night in paradise

2005-01-11T15:31:00.000-05:00

I was thinking today about all the music I have been listening to lately. Very depresso stuff. I have been in bad spirits lately. Realizing the huge effect music has on my mood, I borrowed a copy of a friends Outkast disc and behold! I am in a better mood tonight. I have been working on trying to improve my singing ability on the way to the cafeteria at night. I know...such a time commitment must be yielding amazing results. Yah. Whatever. I can sing poorly at volumes that really, um, sound good to me. The next thing to examine is why this all has such an effect on me.

Oh yeah, I remember.

She.

The first cut

2005-01-11T08:29:00.000-05:00

So, this is where I go to put it all down? I have a bit to reveal. I suppose revealing something means another can read it, eh?